Weekly Shot #17 – I Love America

Sue me!

If the title didn’t give it away, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret… I love America. I know this might be taboo to say at this particular moment in time, but I could give two fucks. I love everything about America. More importantly, I love everything about Americans. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I love the colors on the flag, I love California, I love New York, I love Texas, I fucking LOVE the backwoods towns that no one’s heard of in North Carolina and Ohio and Idaho, I love the Atlantic Ocean, I love the Pacific Ocean, I love the Mississippi River, I love the Appalachians, I love the Rockies, I love the dive bars in New Orleans, I love the Thompson hotel in Chicago, I love baseball, I love basketball, I love football (eat shit, soccer), I love hot dogs, I love cold light beer out of a can, I love Marlboro 27’s, I love Ernest Hemmingway, I love Zora Neale Hurston, I love Jim Harrison, I love country music, I love the Great American Songbook, I fucking LOVE hip-hop, I love Frank Sinatra, I love Jay-Z, I love Louis Armstrong, I love Zach Bryan, I love all the different American accents from Bahhstan, to Southern, to Joiesy, I love the fact that Americans are brash and cocky, I love the fact that when Americans are asked the question “what are you?” inside of America they say all the different places their ancestors came from but when they’re outside of America they say American, and I love more than anything that Americans fight with each other up until the point that we have to fight somebody else.

I could run through a brick wall after typing that. I feel like I’m flying on the wings of a bald eagle. But when did it become wrong to say all of this? When did it become a combination of all the -ists and -isms and -phobias to say you love the country you were born and raised in more than any other country? People make fun of American exceptionalism like it’s a bad thing. To them I say, find a better country. I know what their retort back will be - “But America did this and did that and yada fucking yada. How can you be proud of a country that has done such horrible things?”

Here’s my question - since when did having a pristine historical track record become a prerequisite to loving where you were born and raised? I mean shit – let’s just look at a small sample and see how these countries fair in the historical rat race:

Japan – Have you ever heard of the Ainu? I figured you hadn’t. They’re similar to the Native Americans who lived on the island of Hokkaido. You know what happened to them? Same thing that happened to Native Americans - booted off their land, assimilated with the greater Japanese population, not many left. You would think that on the can of a Sapporo (made in Hokkaido) they would write “made on stolen land” but I’ve drunken a Sapporo or two and haven’t seen anything of the like. I clicked on every link on the Sapporo website and they failed to mention the Ainu. I don’t think they give a fuck and it’s not my job to make them. The rape of Nanking wasn’t great either. Japan still denies it even took place. Japanese people still love their country.

Saudi Arabia – You know when Saudi Arabia abolished slavery? 1962. By royal fucking decree, you bozos. I don’t see them wringing their hands about it. I don’t see them protesting through Riyadh because of it. Sure, that’s probably because it would be illegal to protest, but I digress. We had those idiots beat by almost 100 years and we’re still reeling from it as a nation, and rightfully so. But, the Saudi’s don’t seem to hate being Saudi. In fact, they seem mighty proud that they let women drive automobiles in their country. How progressive of them!

Italy – Forget about teaming up with Hitler, do we really know the extent of the damage that our boy Julius Cesar inflicted on the world? The guy is praised now but his presumed death count is set at a million-ish. Yikes! The 24 thousand Brits that died in the Revolutionary War look like peanuts in comparison. But just like Italy, and Rome in particular, we believe in a founding story that’s a little tainted. Taxation without representation, a place where people can be free from oppressors, a place where everyone is equal – sure it might be farfetched and we certainly have not lived up to our promises in full, but it’s definitely better than Romulus killing his twin brother Remus to found Rome. Talk about original sin! At least our story is based on hope, however simplified.

My point is that history is not a zero sum game. You can look at any country and find horrible shit in its founding and horrible shit it does to this day. I’m not saying America is perfect. The people who constantly pick at America’s worst warts have a point. America shouldn’t have done such terrible things because America is not an amoral place. America was not founded on amoral values. I have to remind myself that the people who shit on American believe that America has higher standards than other places. Why else would they be yelling from the rooftops about all the bad things America has done? Because they know that we should be better. Because we are better. And because this country is filled with people who look toward better. That’s more than can be said for a lot of places.

But can we please just say enough with the America bashing? As if we’re the first and only country to falter? If you truly love this country maybe reading a little history is in order. This world is a messy place and nothing is ever perfect. But no country is held to a higher standard and no country gives a flying fuck when they don’t meet that standard. America does. Americans do.

I love America and I’m going to scream it from the rooftops today with a Budweiser in my hand and a flag draped around my shoulders. I’m going to remember that Budweiser was started by a German immigrant and that ze Germans don’t have the greatest track record either! And even though my wife said our house will probably get egged for it (that’s right, my wife is allowed to share her opinion even in this hostile and patriarchal country) – I’ll have a 30 foot flag draped from the porch and I’ll be listening to Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus Bruce Springsteen at unheard of decibels and I’ll probably have enough hot dogs and BBQ to have 3 heart attacks.

I fucking love this place and the idea of this place. America is like a family member. I can talk shit about America because I love America, but if I hear someone else talking shit about America with clear hate in their heart - then them’s fightin’ words.

No idea George…Nooooo idea