Love Your Enemies, Bless Those Who Curse You

Emergency Shot #25

I’ve watched every second of this World Series. Every Pitch. Every at bat. Every commercial. The most surprising thing besides how bad the Yankees have played is the number of Jesus commercials. After visiting the website HeGetsUs.com I am still not sure what these commercials are supposed to be selling. The website says they are just trying to tell the story of Jesus Christ. They claim that the story of Jesus is the “greatest love story of all time” and they just want more people to learn said story. Clearly they’ve never seen The Notebook.

Regardless of what HeGetsUs.com is trying to do, one of the commercials has changed my perspective on this World Series. The commercial, if you’ve been watching, is the one that says, “Jesus loved the people we hate.” Clearly Jesus has been reading my Substack because everyone I’ve claimed to hate on the Dodgers has had an insanely successful first two games. Thanks to HeGetsUs, I am going to try something different. I am going to put love over hate. I’d like to officially write some apology letters. Here goes nothing.

---

Letter #3

Dear Teoscar Hernandez,

I apologize for what I said about hating your name. It really rolls off the tongue, if I’m honest. Teoscar sounds like it should be the name of the main character in a romance novel with this guy on the cover:

Starring: Teoooooosssscar Herrrrrnanndezzzzz

I also want to apologize to you as a fellow Dominican. If my Nana read my Substack she would be ashamed at how I bashed you. It was all in a fit of jealousy. I am jealous of how you battered the Yankees in the regular season and I am jealous now. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one.  

I hope you accept this apology, Mr. Hernandez, and good luck the rest of the series.

With Love,

Alex Muka

---

Letter #2

Dear Will Smith,

Your parents clearly named you right because you are as big of a star as that other guy who stole your name. You have been an All Star catcher for the past two seasons, which is as good of a run as Bad Boys 1 & 2. Though the Bad Boys series should have stopped after 1 & 2, I hope your All-Star run continues well into the future.

A lot of people are saying you are struggling at the plate but what they’ve failed to mention is that even though you are frustrated you haven’t charged the mound yet, like another guy named Will Smith.

Will Smith didn’t like that ball inside from Chris Rock

I know you are struggling, but you’ve had a cool head the entire time, and that is the sign of a good man.

On the one hit you’ve had this series you ran the bases perfectly. And you know what that means? You haven’t been caught in a rundown, aka a pickle. This is all to say that your name doesn’t have to define you. William Dills Smith, you are a testament to all of the poorly named people out there. If you can overcome your name, anyone can.

I’d also like to congratulate you on the birth of your daughter this past week. If you need any advice on being a girl dad please refer to the below post.

I hope this helps.

With Love,

Alex Muka

---

Letter #1

Dear Freddie Freeman,

I’ve never been so wrong about a person in my life. Your smile is infectious, your dance moves make women at the ball park swoon, and I’d be honored to have you babysit my daughters. Why the change of heart, you ask?

For one, I accidentally watched your post-game interview when you said that you got home after hitting a walk-off grand slam and you still had to put the kids to bed. Instead of heading out to a bar and pounding an excessive amount of drinks in celebration of the biggest moment of your career, you headed home and took care of your family. I’ve never been able to relate to something more in my life. Sure I’ve never had a whiff of the level of glory you’ve had at your job, but when I get a sale at my job there is that temptation to hit the bar for a couple celebratory pops. I don’t do it. Because I’m dad first, and so are you.

Watching the post-game interview was only the first of many accidents I’ve had since the start of this series. The second major accident was not pissing the bed in a drunken stupor after the Yankees second straight loss, but seeing an interview on Twitter about your mom and why you play for team Canada. I have to admit something…I cried. I am not being facetious at all. It was actually gut wrenching and made me like you. If you are going to be a turncoat, this is as good of a reason as any.

I realize now that my teeth theory was all wrong. The bigger the smile, the better the teeth, the better the person. I am a scientific man and when someone proves my theories wrong, I change my theories.

I hope nothing but the best for you, Mr. Freeman.

With Love,

Alex Muka

---

P.S. – In NO WAY am I trying to change the juju around in the Yankees favor. These apology letters are from the heart and I hope in NO WAY affect the performance of these players.