No Role Modelz

This post does not have anything to do with the J. Cole song No Role Modelz. Well, not really. Because the song, besides the first three bars, has nothing to do with role models either.

The bars go like this:

“First things first rest in peace Uncle Phil
For real, you the only father that I ever knew
I get my bitch pregnant I'ma be a better you”

How I’ve somehow concocted a piece connecting these lyrics and the latest news cycle I’ll never know. This is how my brain works.

The past two weeks have upended the world of politics. We’ve all been tuned in unless you’re living under a rock the size of a mountain (or you were holed up wherever Joe Biden was). Political turmoil is not a new phenomenon and if you think the world we live in now is any crazier than other historical moments (1968) then you don’t know anything about history. I will concede that it is pretty fucking nuts right now, but it’s not as bad as it could get. Which brings me to the point of this piece - the current moment is crazy, and will only get worse, because many people have lost their North Star.

In this case the North Star is not physical. It’s not a sparkling little light in the distance guiding our way through a desert (we have a compass in our pocket for fucks sake). What I mean by the North Star is someone to look up to. Someone to emulate. Someone to want to be like.

I can attest that without something to work towards, or someone to want to be like, I’d be lost. I am a carrot guy, not a stick guy. I don’t think about punishment, or about the depths of hell my bad choices can take me, but I often think about the man I want to be. How I learned what type of man I want to be was by looking at people I want to be like. And that right there is where our society has gone a little haywire.

I’ve put together a little guide for all those out there who are on the fence about who their role models should be. There’s a lot of noise out there. Choose wisely.

People Not To Look Up To

Politicians – The kernel of this piece started when I was watching

The Free Press

show live at the RNC (Republican National Convention). The event was pure theatre and the analysis was spot on as it always is at The Free Press.

Michael C. Moynihan

is the best in the game. After the event was over there was a journalist outside who decided to do on the street interviews and there was one woman who caught my attention.

Interviewer: “What is it about listening to Trump speak that you like?”

Woman: “He is a great human being. He has faith, family, the American values intact. He is a GREAT human being. If only people would stop twisting his words there wouldn’t be as much opposition.”

For the sake of this piece, I am going to assume this woman is not in any way mentally impaired. I am going to assume she has all her chromosomes. I am going to assume that she never rode the short bus to school.

And then I’m going to say, what in the living fuck are you talking about lady? Sure, he’d probably be a better president than a vegetable but a great man? American values?

This woman has clearly lost her North Star because if you honestly think that this guy, or ANY other politician has even a tiny shred of dignity, than you’ve lost the plot. Politicians are vying for votes and they will do just about anything to garner them. They will say whatever it is that adds another little check box next to their name. I don’t care who you vote for, but what I do care about is pretending that a politician is going to represent some type of moral example. Uncle Phil is a far cry from Donald Trump. And don’t even get me started with Joe Biden. The Fresh Prince would have looked like The Old Crackhead by Season 2 if Joe Biden was head of that Bel Aire mansion.

Athletes – As a kid, all of my idols were athletes. I wanted to be like them in almost every way possible. Then I grew up and realized athletes are fucking DOGS. I get it though. I played sports and turned into a kind of half animal half human during the games. You have to be in a certain mind state to compete at the highest levels and it’s hard to turn off, but god damn…

Take Conor McGregor for instance. I was a super fan when he was coming up. A little scrawny Irish dude that could put peoples lights out with a slick left hand and a mouth to match it. Not only was the shit talking on point, but the way he spoke about dedicating his life to the art of fighting and how he was on welfare before his first UFC fight was all inspirational stuff. But when you put your eggs in the basket of looking up to a professional cage fighter your bound to crack some when it all comes falling apart.

Of course, the fall from grace was brutal to watch. Rape allegations, hitting old men off of barstools in pubs, etc…

I’m not saying all athletes are abhorrent, all I’m saying is maybe trying to be like someone who has all the money, power, and fame at their fingertips isn’t a good idea. Athletes are just one peg down from politicians in their ability to become corrupt.

He really doesn’t give a fook.

Writers/Musicians/Artists – Creatives are often revered. They make beautiful things out of nothing and deserve this reverence. But how many of these fucks have ever had a solid personal life? Who has come out and said any famous rock star is a really good guy at home? What famous novelist didn’t have a brush with suicide?

Take Jim Harrison for example.

Jim Harrison is my ALL TIME favorite writer. Every book he’s ever written is the stuff I dream about writing. His best poetry book, in my opinion, is Letters To Yesenin. In this book he writes poems as if he were communing with the dead Russian poet Sergei Yesenin, who killed himself. During the writing Jim Harrison was going through a bout of depression himself and also had thoughts of suicide. This was his cathartic way of working through it. Just so happens he was writing this after his first kid was born. Eerie shit. Luckily, Mr. Harrison made it out of this mental catastrophe and kept on writing.

I always wanted to be like Jim Harrison. Big drinker. Big talker. Big eater. A gourmand. I even thought of poking one of my eyes out.

Be Like Mike Jim

But after reading Letters to Yesenin I decided that maybe I’ll just be normal Alex. It’s not so bad a life.

Though there are plenty of examples in each one of these groups of people not to look up to, the ones you should look up to are a much tighter circle and you’ll know them when you find them.

People to look up to:

Dad – My dad grew up poor. He started a business from scratch and never missed one of my games. He was tough when he needed to be. He consoled me when I needed it. He never let me win a basketball game against him. When I finally did win, at the age of 17, it was the best day of my life. He taught me lessons. He still does. That’s a North Star.

Wife – My wife didn’t have the easiest childhood compared to mine. She also never complained once about it. She doesn’t complain much except if her back is hurting from taking care of two kids all day. Her back is probably also hurting because she carries this team family on her back. She does it with grace. That’s a North Star.

Grandma – Grandma had six children. Her first child died in the crib. Her oldest son died from AIDS by way of a bad blood transfusion. Her third oldest son died after spending years as a quadriplegic. Her second oldest son was in a car accident, then a coma, and was never the same. Grandma had every reason to be bitter at the world. But Grandma never was. That’s a North Star.

So maybe we need to look a little closer to home when we start putting people on a pedestal. Vote for who you want to vote for, cheer on your favorite athlete, read and listen to the artists you love, but these people aren’t Gods. At least not to me. The closest I’ve ever gotten to seeing God is at the dinner table.

P.S. - I started my Substack because I was sick of the depressing news cycle. These next 6 months are going to be as bad as it gets. If you or a friend need a reprieve from the madness, come on over and subscribe. The water’s fine, the drinks are cold, and we’re laughing into the abyss.