Thank You
Hell or Hangover - 6 months later
About a year ago, I made the nauseating decision to self-publish my debut novel, Hell or Hangover. After querying agents for years, receiving hundreds of rejections, some nice, some prewritten, some actual interest, and some insane…
…there was one last resort, to bet on myself.
The agent/editor above was technically correct in their assessment. I sent out over 100 queries and only three people requested the full manuscript and only one of those three talked to me after that. There was only one agent, Christopher Schelling, who had any constructive criticism after reading the entire manuscript. I found him through the great Amran Gowani . Christopher is the man. I’ll send him everything I ever write, and I encourage you to send him your work when he is accepting submissions. We bonded over being assholes.
There was also the small press Picket Fire, run by John F. Duffy, who read the entire manuscript and made himself available for calls and emails to discuss where I could take the book even though he would not be publishing it. I’m forever grateful.
Both guys did not do the send me 10 pages and synopsis nonsense. They wanted to see if the book, in its entirety, was worth staking their reputation (and bank accounts) on. People like Christopher and John are few and far between in the publishing industry. These are the types of people who will make publishing a better place.
It would have been easy to let this book I poured ten years of work into slide into the abyss because it was clear, the mainstream publishing industry wanted nothing to do with it. Was it the characters’ voice? Was it the fact that the character was a straight white (ish) male? Was it the character talking how a straight man actually talks? Was it the fact that I am a straight white (ish) male?
Or…
Was my book bad? Did I not have the skill to write a book worth publishing?
These are all valid questions. There was a short amount of time when the first half of that series of questions made me seethe with cynicism. Yes, the system was out to get me. Yes, my genius was being wasted by cookie cutter agents and publishing houses. Yes, the entire book publishing business should be burnt to the ground. That time didn’t last long. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again no matter how corny it makes me look – I am an optimist. I believe in the future. I believe in people. But most importantly, I believed in my book.
Though I wrote the book alone every morning from 4-7 AM, for years, a good book isn’t birthed completely alone. If you haven’t read the book yet, below are the acknowledgments at the end of Hell or Hangover.
When you’ve worked on your first book for 10+ years you are bound to have run into some help. First and foremost, I’d like to thank all the authors who made me fall in love with reading and subsequently writing. Though I must have been pretty naïve to think I could do what these giants of literature have done, without them this book wouldn’t be possible. To list them would make this book run another hundred pages, but I am forever indebted.
I’ve written and rewritten this book in your hands a hundred times. Every time I wrote or rewrote a part is because something or someone pushed me in that direction. The novel really took its final form after attending the Curtis Brown Creative -Edit & Pitch Your Novel course. I’d like to first thank all the other students attending that class. When you’ve written a book like mine and you’re the only male in a class of nine women, you might think you’re going to be laughed or shamed out of the class. These women did neither. I still talk to them and they have been nothing but encouraging in my quest to get this book published.
Laura Pearson, the teacher of the class, changed the way I thought about my novel and ultimately helped me set a clear vision of what this book was trying to be. On top of that, she tried her best to help me get an agent. I am grateful for all her work and care.
As for actual editors, the two that helped me get this book over the finish line are Vanessa Ogle and Adam Pearson . I am eternally grateful that they saw my vision and helped me get there. Vanessa deftly cut the book from its once bloated state to what it is now. Without Adam Pearson, and his aggravating questions, I might not have understood the layers (both physical and philosophical) that my book was working towards. Again, I am grateful. Without Substack I wouldn’t have met either of them. Long live Substack.
The behind the scenes to get a book to its final stage is crazy and I could go on and on with people to thank but the people I really want to acknowledge are my friends and family. If you think I could’ve written this book without the best group of friends then you are sadly mistaken. You don’t get characters like Lou or Aisle or VanNeece if you haven’t been surrounded by characters your entire life. Smitty, Pecs, Dinks, Kev, Eddie, Dan, Ryan, Rob, Tom, Brandli, Spill, Brandon, Jetter - without our banter I could never have become a writer. You’ve sharpened my pen by giving me shit and taking it in return. If this novel made you laugh, you can thank these guys. That’s why I started writing. That’s why I continue to write. To get a laugh from the boys. Love you guys.
To Nana – You’ll probably never read this book but thank you for leaving the Dominican Republic, not knowing a stitch of English, and creating a life for your family. And, of course, thank you for teaching me how to cook.
To Grandmom – I learned more about life and love and forgiveness from listening to you than reading any books. But then again, you self-published one yourself and there is more wisdom in that small, wonderful book than in any literature I’ve read before or after. You really were An Uncommon Everyday Woman.
To Popop - Thanks for handing down your gene of stubbornness. Without it, this book would have died on the vine.
Mom. Dad. If you’ve gotten this far, I apologize. I couldn’t have asked for better parents. Not only have you employed me, but you’ve also been nothing but supportive of me following my own dream. Luckily this book is self-published, so if it affects business, we can always cease and desist. I could never thank you enough, but hopefully one day this book will generate a couple hundred bucks and I can take you both out to dinner.
Tara. My Tara. I know I scared you half to death when I asked you to read this book. You figured the drunk moron you were falling for was about to ruin it by asking you to read something truly awful and you’d get The Ick. Luckily, you believed in it from the first sentence. You’ve sacrificed more than any other person to help me follow my dreams. From watching the kids for a weekend while I go pitch this book (only to be rejected), to putting the kids down many nights alone while you let me edit, to keeping the kids occupied if they happen to wake up before 7 AM (my writing time is 4-7 AM). Without you this book has (and had) a completely different ending. Without you no happiness in my life is possible. Without a woman that a man looks up to, and wants to be better for, he is nothing. I could write another novel right here but all I am going to say is thank you for our two beautiful daughters. I still can’t believe we get to be mom and dad together. I hope I’ve written a book they can read some day (when they are MUCH older) and be equally embarrassed and proud that their dad wrote it. I love you three girls more than you’ll ever know. Everything would be pointless without you.
P.S. – to the 100+ literary agents that rejected me, from the way bottom of my heart, thank you. This self-published book you hold in your hands is going to do better than any debut writer you currently have on your roster. Your rejections only made me more confident.
That last part was me trying to speak things into existence. I don’t know how well certain debut books are selling and I don’t necessarily care to do the work to find out. Hell or Hangover has sold a few hundred copies in the first 6 months. Nothing to brag about, but that’s a few hundred more copies than I would’ve sold if I had shelved it. I still believe the book will find a wider audience. I still believe the book is a hilarious look at millennial life. I still believe in the book, regardless of how many copies it sells.
The point of this post is to just say thank you. To anyone who has read the book, to anyone who bought the book, to anyone who believes in me and my writing. To Ross Barkan for giving me the spark to self-publish. To ARX-Han for being the first self-published author I read and loved. To Andrew Boryga for his willingness to answer any questions I had about writing and publishing from day one and for writing one of my favorite books of all time Victim (and a killer blurb). To Peter Shull , for being a fellow self-published author of the book Why Teach? and, cough cough, teaching me what the Bechdel test is (and a killer blurb). To The Wayback Machine, for writing my favorite self-published novel ever written (and a killer blurb). To Barış Şehri for the sickest book cover ever! To all the people who have written reviews or interviewed me about the book, The Metropolitan Review David Polonoff Vinny Reads Brandon Westlake Michael Mohr George Kalantzis Vince Wetzel Andrew Komarnyckyj. Thank you.
The second half of this year was a weird one. I’ve posted significantly less and took a few months off serious writing in general. It turns out publishing a book takes more energy out of you than actually writing one. I never thought I’d be someone to take any time off but the adrenaline dump after a ten year sprint is no joke. The beauty of the platform you’re reading this on is that there are so many inspiring writers shoved in your face everyday you can’t stay down for long. There is more to do, more to write. I feel lucky to be a small part of what’s going on here. I’m excited for 2026, to post more, to finish up a novel, to begin another. And anyone still reading this, I’m excited that you’ve stuck it out with me.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
And if you haven’t purchased a copy of Hell or Hangover and want to prove me right to all those agents and publishers out there…now’s the time.
Congrats and thanks for your humor and humility — from all the unpublishable white-sounding assholes out here.
I have been reading the free sample on Amazon and really liking what I am seeing enough to consider buying the book. But could you knock a quarter point off the vig just to help a pal out?
I’m wondering though. Did any of the agents say something like “I would consider publishing this, but could you rewrite it from the perspective of a small-bodied Vietnamese but Latino-sounding queer man, and can we rename it El Hefe of Gladness?”
Fuck yea!